just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
