Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I smell stomach acid.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
