Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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