it wasn't lemon gatorade
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
