I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
