He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i've created a new STD.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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