....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
