Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
