I just cut my nipple shaving
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
