and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
