Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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