5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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