so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
