The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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