You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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