saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
