you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
