i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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