Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
