Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
