somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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