I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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