member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
