what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
