the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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