Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
