i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
try to milk me bitch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
