You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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