just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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