mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
