My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
