Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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