I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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