Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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