The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
