Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
