i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So many bounce houses so little time
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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