I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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