I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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