I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
