We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
