i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
