Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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