we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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