I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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