entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
