she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
