I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
