So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
