He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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