Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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